How Habits Impact Emotional Wellbeing

February 25, 2017

Author: Linda Keddington

The famous quote, "We form our habits, and then our habits form us," eludicates the simple fact that we are the sum of our habits. Habits form insidiously, and we are not aware of them until something (e.g., illness, another person, tragic event) forces us to examine, "How did I get here?"

 

Let’s face it.  The brain is habitual.  It is supposed to be.  The very nature of this habitual formation allows you and me to get in our cars everyday and drive while talking, singing, or thinking about something other than driving (not always the best thing…but that is an entirely different topic).  The habitual nature of the brain allows us to eat while conversing with a friend or read a book while sipping coffee.  So…the habitual nature of the brain is a good thing.  Right?  It allows us to learn a task, conquer that task, and move on to other things.  How can this habitual tendency cause problems?  

 

I am convinced that while our brain is good at forming habits, it is not so good at differentiating constructive versus destructive habits (or keeping us from doing the later).  We may form a response that initially serves a very good purpose (e.g. get us out of a situation, protect us from a situation).  Our brain learns, “Hey…that worked.”  When we are faced with a similar situation our brain naturally does the same thing, knowing it worked previously.  From a survival standpoint, this makes perfect sense.  If I am in need of water, food, warmth, shelter, and I successfully learn to provide these things for myself - it is probably in my best interest to “rehearse” and “remember” that it worked.  And I will likely perform that task over and over until it is ingrained in my brain and becomes habitual.  

 

How Habits Form Problems

 

For most of us, it is the continual practice of something over and over that allows this “autopilot” nature to take over.  That is how we get good at something.  Musicians practice music, athletes practice moves, and babies practice walking.  This practice makes perfect effort results in people being able to accomplish extraordinary feats. 

 

However habits that may initially serve a very good purpose can cause problems in our lives.  For example, if we learn as children to survive a chaotic household by retreating and isolating to our bedroom, this autopilot response to confrontation may not serve in our best interest as adults trying to navigate confrontations that arise in the business world or our personal lives.

 

What Can Be Done

 

First, don’t panic.  It is important to remember that your brain is simply doing what it is supposed to do.  After all, you have rehearsed your responses or actions over and over - and the brain is programmed to get good at whatever it practices.  If you have practiced waking up every morning and focusing on the negative aspects of your life, you have probably gotten pretty good at that.  If you have practiced running away and isolating every time confrontation arises, you have probably gotten good at that too.  Alternatively, perhaps you have practiced fighting or rebelling at the scene of confrontation.  Whatever your MOA (mode of action), the initial step is to simply recognize what you do and how that action or thinking pattern is impacting your life.

 

Second, realize that you can’t change what you are not aware of.  Take time for some personal inventory.  Make note of how you respond (your thoughts, your emotions, your actions) to certain situations.  Notice how your response shapes your life.  Notice what triggers your response.

 

Third, if your thoughts or actions cause problems (for you or others), it may be time to consider alternative, more helpful responses.  Just like the amateur athlete who learns the “bad habit” of a dysfunctional golf swing, ski turn, or fly-fishing cast — an individual may not realize the dysfunction in their habits until someone tells them.  Then, they likely need to learn from an expert the proper technique.  This is where a therapist, counselor, psychiatric provider, coach, mentor, etc. can be helpful.  Often an expert who specializes in mental health is the best source.  If you want to learn a new skill, you will likely seek lessons from someone who is really good at BOTH the skill and teaching (it takes both knowledge and good teaching skills).  So, spend time finding an expert who provides the right combination.  Don’t blindly expect good ski lessons from your piano teacher.

  

Forth, practice the new technique.  Using the example in the previous paragraph, the amateur athlete must practice over-and-over the new technique until it over-rides the old technique (becomes the new autopilot).  This is the frustrating part.  With a few exceptions, pro athletes and musicians devote repeated hours, days, years learning something really well.  Don’t expect to change overnight the dysfunctional habits you have practiced for years.

 

Lastly, the good news.  Old dogs can learn new tricks.  The human brain is capable of forming new neurons and learning new ways of doing things - regardless of age.  See article on neuroplasticity (LINK).  You CAN learn new approaches to life.  You CAN learn new good and bad habits.  Awareness is the first key.  Then, from that awareness the path you choose is a conscious intention.  Be aware.  Be deliberate.

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